Hey there, I'm Don. 22 years old, and a passenger of the roller coaster of life. Luckily not doing it alone, and have the most supportive and amazing girl on the planet by my side. And having a kickass group of friends helps too. My mind works in a nonstop visual manner, and I'm always looking to learn new things. So maybe stick around and see what we can teach or show each other.

Eminem- Beautiful

Intro:

Lately I’ve been hard to reach,
I’ve been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world,
Where they can be alone

Are you calling me?
Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out, for me?
Like I’m reaching out, for you.

Verse 1:

I’m just so fucking depressed
I just can’t seem to get out this slump 
If I could just get over this hump,
But I need something to pull me out this dump

I took my bruises, took my lumps,
Fell down, and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up, 
in order for me to pick the mic back up.

I don’t know how, or why, or when,
I ended up in this position I’m in,
I’m starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen,
up and try to make an attempt to vent,
but I just can’t admit, or come to grips, 
with the fact that I may be done with with rap, I need a new outlet

And I know some shit’s so hard to swallow,
but I just can’t sit back and wallow, in my own sorrow
But I know one fact, I’ll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow, I’ll be one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you’d have to walk a thousand miles

Chorus:

In my shoes, just to see
What it’s like, to be me
I’ll be you, let’s trade shoes

Just to see what it’d be like to,
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other’s minds
Just to see, what we’d find
Look at shit through each other’s eyes

But don’t let them say you ain’t beautiful, oh
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you, so
Don’t let them say you ain’t beautiful, oh
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you, so

Verse 2:

I think I’m starting to lose my sense of humor,
everything’s so tense and glum,
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature of the room 
Just as soon as I walk it’s like all eyes on me
so I try to avoid any eye contact ’cause if I do that,
then it opens a door for conversation, like I want that

I’m not looking for extra attention, I just wanna be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room,
maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don’t need no fuckin’ manservant,
trying to follow me around and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
and half of them ain’t even funny like that

"Marshall you’re so funny man,
you should be a comedian, God damn”
Unfortunately I am
I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don’t you all sit down
Listen to the tale I’m about to tell,
Hell, we don’t gotta trade our shoes,
and you ain’t gotta walk no thousand miles

Chorus:

In my shoes, just to see 
What it’s like, to be me
 
I’ll be you, let’s trade shoes

Just to see what it’d be like to,
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other’s minds
Just to see, what we’d find
Look at shit through each other’s eyes

But don’t let them say you ain’t beautiful, oh
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you, so
Don’t let them say you ain’t beautiful, oh
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you, so

Verse 3:

Nobody asked for life to deal us
with these bullshit hands we’re dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves
and flip them, don’t expect no help

Now I could have either just sat on my ass
and pissed and moaned
Or take this situation
in which I’m placed in 
and get up and get my own

I was never the type of kid
to wait by the door and pack his bags 
I sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did

I just wanted to fit in
Every single place, every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid

Aunt Edna always told me,
"keep making that face, it’ll get stuck like that"
Meanwhile I’m just standing there 
trying to hold my tongue and talk like this

'Til I stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole
at eight years old
I learned my lesson then
'Cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more

But I already told you my whole life story
not just based on my description
'cause where you see it, from where you're sittin'
is probably 110% different

I guess we would have to walk a mile
in each other’s shoes, at least
What size you wear? I wear 10’s
let’s see if you can fit your feet

Chorus:
In my shoes, just to see 
What it’s like, to be me 
I’ll be you, let’s trade shoes

Just to see what it’d be like to,
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other’s minds
Just to see, what we’d find
Look at shit through each other’s eyes

But don’t let them say you ain’t beautiful, oh
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you, so
Don’t let them say you ain’t beautiful, oh
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you, so

Outro: 

Lately I’ve been hard to reach,
I’ve been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world,
Where they can be alone

Are you calling me?
Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out, for me?
Like I’m reaching out, for you.

Yeah, to my babies
Stay strong, daddy’ll be home soon

and to the rest of the world, God gave you the the shoes, to fit you
So put ‘em on and wear themBe yourself man, be proud of who you areAnd even if it sounds corny
don’t ever let no one tell you
you ain’t beautiful.




Nothing like connecting to a song by writing out the lyrics. 
It took a little longer than I expected, but that’s mostly because I kept getting distracted. But these lyrics are 100% typed by my hand. This is one of my favorite songs by Eminem, hope you enjoy it as well. Even if hip-hop/rap isn’t your thing, I think anyone going through any type of rough patch can relate to this song. 

Just remember: you’re beautiful.

Epiphany..(give us a read, yeah?)

I think I have just realized what I want out of life. Like the forever need of my life. And that is to not grow up. No, I’m not going to rant about wanting to be a Toys ‘r’ us kid forever. I just seriously don’t want to grow up. I want to be with someone who can be as immature as I can be sometimes, and love every moment of it. I need someone who takes life as it comes, and doesn’t feel the need to grow up and do all these adult things everyone seems to need to do. 

Just looking through random pictures, and thinking of my childhood compared to what people recall of their own childhood, I realized that I never even really had one.. I never had a “Where’s Waldo?” book. I don’t even know what Mister Men and Little Misses are. I never watched most of the Nickelodeon shows. Not because I didn’t like them, but because I only got to watch that channel for the hour or two I was at daycare while my mom busted her ass to bring money into the house so we could continue to eat. I’ve never seen how “Hey Arnold!” ends, I’ve only seen about half the episodes of Fresh Prince, and don’t even get me started on Boy Meets World.

Once it was just me and mom (circa age 6), there really wasn’t any room for me to be a kid. I became the man of the house, and had to worry about all the stress my mom was under from not being able to pay bills, put gas in the car, or feed us. Of course, at age 6 there wasn’t much for me to do other than hand her my change jar in a futile attempt to help. So I began to apply myself in school. My attitude still flared up, but my grades improved so much over the next year. I thought, “if I can’t help mom with money, I might as well do well in school. Maybe being proud of me will help make her happy, and make everything better.” Seriously, that was my train of thought at fucking 6 years old. 

One would think that once mom was able to move on past dad and got with Brian, (the future stepdad) things would have gotten easier. Someone else to carry the burden, so to speak. But you would be wrong. It didn’t change a bit. In fact, even though it made mom happier and everything, I really think it made my life a little harder. Because now is when all the custody issues started up. And my grandparents (dad’s side) tried to influence me always to hate Brian for trying to replace my real dad, even though my real dad never did any of the things Bri did for me. This is also the point in my life where I started switching schools every year. I counted the other night, and I’ve been in school for 14 full years, with this fall starting my 15th year. Through these 14 years, I have been to 12 different schools. Some years playing host to more than one school. Do you realize how hard that is for a kid? To have to make new friends, every single year. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Especially when you get promised at least every other year, that this is the last time and you will graduate from that school. Do you know how sheltered I became through all of this? I was so alone in life and everything, I couldn’t even read Harry Potter. I barely had an imagination. Reading The Sorcerer’s Stone? I had to stop at least a half dozen times over a 2 year period because I couldn’t make it past the first chapter. Because everything was so alien about it. A fucking giant guy on a flying motorcycle? Some professor’s in a street, turning out the lights and turning into cats? Come on. Seriously, the first few times I read the book, I thought Dumbledore and McGonagall were like doctor’s or researchers. Because that’s what I thought professors were. Not teachers. People in lab coats and goggles. Sad, isn’t it?

But I’m getting off track, and really you don’t want to hear all the drama before and after my move to Philly. At least, not in this post. Maybe sometime I’ll tell you to your face what it was like. 

The point of this all is my childhood, or lack there of. I’ve never been able to enjoy life. It’s always been one bad thing after another. But every now and then, I’m able to attempt to enjoy it. But that’s usually when people start to tell me to grow up. Telling me that I need to grow up. Get a job, go to college, buy a house. All that stuff from the bathroom scene in Fight Club where Brad Pitt is in the tub. But that’s not what I want in life. I just want to be a kid. I think there have only ever been like 3 people where I felt like I didn’t need to be so mature around them. But all of them have yelled at me for being immature, and made me change it. Even though I didn’t want to, I did. Because I put others happiness before mine. It’s what I’ve always done and probably what I’ll always do, at least to some extent. But I don’t want to be like this. I just want to be me. I want to be a kid. I want to snuggle up to someone or something soft and stay under the covers all day. I want to go out laser tagging and make a fool of myself, but have the biggest grin on my face the whole time. I want to build an epic blanket fort, get a shit ton of snacks, and just play in it all day. I want to take leftover popcorn from the movie theatre and throw it at someone in the parking lot, and then just hold them close when the bucket is empty. I want to sweep a woman off her feet, figuratively and literally. I wanna jump a fence and run around a school yard. Swing on swings, get sand between my toes, stay up all night together and watch the sun come up without saying a word, just living in the moment. I want to lay under the stars, with someone’s head on my chest. Feel each other’s racing heartbeat, seeming like we’ve ran for miles, but we haven’t left each other’s side. I wanna watch scary movies, funny movies, and action movies. But also I want to not be afraid I won’t get to see the latest Disney movie because the latest sequel of some other genre is out. I want to make a woman feel like a Princess, while she makes me feel like her Prince. I want to cry at the sad parts of our favorite movies, together, and laugh and be happy at the happy parts of them. I want to talk about our days, and fantasize what life will be like for us 30 years down the road. I wanna show you the world, fit a glass slipper on your foot, paint with all the colors of the wind, kiss you like you need it to live, and hold you like the world’s going to end.  I want to be as awesome as I can be, while being accented by someone else’s awesome. I want to remain a boy, because if I grow up, most of these things won’t be acceptable. 

People have made fun of my in the past for still sleeping with my Charmander pillow. And truly, you do not realize what this pillow means to me. He is not just an old worn down oversized stuffed animal. He’s my best friend. He’s dried my tears as I cried myself to sleep. He’s felt my tight squeeze when all I needed was a hug from someone that cared. He’s listened to me scream my heart out, and not said anything against it. But above these things, and any others not mentioned, he’s my connection. My bridge even. A bridge to my youth. A bridge that, if taken down or away, I feel I could not live without. But yet, people still say he’s “just a pillow.”

But even with all of this being said, there is still one key thing that cannot change, no matter what. Even though I don’t want to, I am going to get older. I think this realization is why I want to get into acting. Because, even though my body will continue to age, my mind doesn’t have to for movies. And even if it does, and I have to have serious roles as I get older, the fun childlike ones remain immortal, and can harness my youth forever. It’s as close to staying a boy as any one could get, really. 

So please, the next time I tell you I want to do something fun with you, just do it. Let my inner child out. Because if I trust you enough to show you in the first place that I want to let it out, it means that I love you in a way only a child could. Know that my pillow is more than just fabric, stuffing, and bad sewing jobs I’ve done over the years to keep him together. He’s my memory, and my connection to an easier time. And please don’t play with my emotions. It takes a special kind of person for me to even suggest doing half the things listed above. An even more special person for me to want to do all of them at once with you. I’m not stupid for wanting to do these things, and I don’t care if it’s “not cool”. You’re not cool if you really believe either of those things. Maybe think of me the next time you think someone is immature or childish. 

I’m sorry if you feel as though this whole thing has no point. But I want you to know me. I want you to be able to reflect to me the same type of detail of what your life was like. Teach me how to be a kid, if you will. And I want you to know that I think the world of you for reading this, and that I love you for it. No matter who you are, where you are, and how we know each other, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

And that’s part of my life story.. So will you come play with me?