I don’t feel very good, guys. I think I need a hug..
The phrase “what a week” does not begin to sum up my week. It barely scratches the surface of it, really. Allow me to sum it up, if you want to read it..
As we were hugging, you told me my heart was beating strangely.
You said you wished I could listen to my own heart. To entertain you, I tried putting my ear to my chest.
I couldn’t do it, but I did make you smile.
I don’t know why I like making you smile so damn much.
But I do wish you could have explained what you meant by my heart beating strangely. I know I feel all tingly when I’m with you, so maybe this is just a new symptom of whatever you wanna say that I have.
Maybe you make my heart race.
Or skip beats.
Or maybe you slow it down, making me feel human, and vulnerable.
I hope that one day you are able to explain what you meant.
I hope that one day you are able to explain what you heard.
a group of us went to City Hall, since we hadn’t in a week. Sitting on the steps, we started just talking. Then a question came up. The question was as follows: If you could do one thing, and get away with it, what you do?
Most people said rob a bank, or go on a date with some movie star. Others made jokes about getting a friend laid. Then the ball got put in my court.
I had thought about the obvious “get money, pay my tuition in Benjamin’s” answer. But then I realized that wasn’t really what I wanted to do. What I would do? If I’m ever able to do it and get away with it, regardless of variables such as my own money or unknown sources of cash? Pay off all of my mom’s debt, and allow her to have a happy life, because she deserves it. A few people laughed. One person (the only girl with us) hugged me twice. I don’t know if any of them really believed me. But it’s true. If I could do one thing and get away with it, I would do what my mother would do for me if she could. I didn’t have the best childhood. Hell, I haven’t had the best life in general. But my mom did the best she could, given the circumstances. And being able to make her happy is something I’ve always driven myself towards.
It may not happen tonight. It sure as hell won’t happen tomorrow. But one day it will, mom. Just stay strong, and I’ll do what little I can until I can make it all better. No matter what happens, with Brian, the kids, Hell even me, I’ll always be there to help.
I love you, mom.
here alone, and yet all I want to be is in your arms. The worst part being, I don’t even know who you are. When you have someone always there to hold close when you’re feeling down for so long, and you lose that person in the blink of an eye, things get pretty lonely. I’ve gone through so many different things even just the past 3 weeks, that alls I want to do is collapse into my bed with someone and sleep through the day. That is, of course, after I manage to actually get them into my bed.. this no ladder is probably going to kill all hopes.. Unless of course, by some miracle, you’re able and willing to monkey on up like I do every night.
I dunno.. I think I’m done moaning about.. grawr.